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Tuesday, August 10

Uncle Theo is generally unpleasant (Part 5)

In rather short time I found myself bundled into a car with Uncle Theo, the insufferable brat Simon and Uncle Theo's rather large and imposing driver.   Feeling very much as if being arrested by New York's finest might actually have been a preferable outcome to this, I stared bleakly out the window as we made our way down Broadway.

Uncle Theo's eyes bored into me like two tiny grey coloured marbles, capable of ....boring into things.  I was greatly rattled and in need of some sort of..... refreshment, but I feared that wasn't going to be a possibility.
I heard a sound like a elephant with indigestion.  Uncle Theo was clearing his throat in prepartion for my continued inquisition.

"Phineas, you've not answered me.  How on earth did you come to be in New York?"

This was accompanied by a pinch from the appalling young Simon.

"Ouch!  Stop that!!" 

"Simon, don't pinch your cousin.  It's not polite.  Besides, we don't know where he's been and we all know how much you hate having to get a shot."

"Sorry Daddy." 

I sighed heavily and dramatically, attempting to look as wounded and unthreatening as possible.

"Phineas, you really are an impossible creature." Uncle Theo muttered to no one in particular.

"Fine, Uncle Theo if you must know...this was all some sort of dreadful ....accident."

A rather loud and unpleasant  noise emitted from Uncle Theo..apparently his version of a guffaw.

"Accident?  How in the hell do you accidentally travel across the Atlantic??!"   Uncle Theo began shaking with laughter at my tragedy.   The driver smirked and Simon stared at me as if I were quite mad indeed.

"It was most certainly not funny at all...it was all quite traumatic!!  I simply fell asleep....in a crate....and awoke in this...strange and barbaric land!!!"   I swooned a bit, just to demonstrate the sheer horridness of it all and was met with ..even more.laughter.   I crossed my arms across my chest and glared at them as stonily and imposingly as I could manage, given that I had spent the night in Central Park and random twigs and leaves were sticking out from my hair at jaunty angles.



To be continued...

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