A confession....

I, Phineas Matova, Man about Town, have an rather unpleasant confession to make. No, not that incident. Nor that incident. I told you, the thing with the dirigibles was the unicorn's fault.

*sighs heavily* Now, I've lost my train of thought...

*several minutes pass*

What? Oh yes, I had a rather earth shattering confession to make. Something terrible is going to happen and I fear I had rather a hand in it, you see. Of course, my intentions were good...how was I to know that they were going to explode in my face rather horridly?

It all began with that first letter, several months ago...after being rather unceremoniously dumped by our guardian, Aunt Maria...on the doorstep of my cousin Violet after that other incident....no, really that was my younger siblings fault..these terrible letters began to arrive from another aunt.



Oh yes, we have several. About seven, possibly eight, if you count that one living in a country that I cannot remember at this time. I do believe it is hot and dusty, which narrows the field down a bit. This was not that aunt. This was my maiden aunt Juniper, not the battle-axe that Maria is, but certainly not my fun-loving, gin soaked aunt Elspeth. (who am I told I rather resemble. *beams*)



These were horrid letters, addressed to my cousin, advising her that she had heard reports of my "scandalous behavior" as she described it and casting all sorts of aspersions on my character and making implications that my cousin was not doing her best to 'control me".


Firstly, I am Phineas Matova, Man about Town. While I do have a healthy enjoyment of life's pleasures, I do not believe that I am "a menace to society" And I am fifteen months older than my cousin, and therefore should be her guardian, not the other way around. Of course she merely laughs at me when I try to bring this up. I try to point out her sleepwalking and the many times she has taken a spill into the water, but this only seems to make her laugh harder. Pfft.


*swigs directly from absinthe bottle instead of pouring it into a glass*

*sighs heavily*

Valentines day (hic) is upon us and I have yet to find a wealthy young lady with castle to court...*takes drink and falls over backwards*

Several minutes later...

So it'll just be me and the unicorn....(hic) I love me unicorn....*passes out*

Conflagrations

It-it wasn't me! (hic) *points at unicorn who is busy destroying a nearby rose bush*

I had no idea dirigibles could be so fiery...I mean ...erm...the unicorn didn't ....*runs away*

Random musings

Nothing like enjoying a fine cigar with a few bottles of Merlot whilst sitting amongst parked dirigibles...